


loose ends

by eastside



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Pining, Slow Burn, jaemin deserves better, jeno is oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-14 02:36:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16031216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eastside/pseuds/eastside
Summary: jaemin recounts the six times he’s kissed jeno. he enjoys every single one, even though the boy uses too much tongue and too little lips.





	loose ends

**Author's Note:**

> [unbetaed]
> 
> i was supposed to post this for jaem's bday but i procrastinated for a month so here it is!
> 
> inspired by:  
> a) we go up  
> b) jeno saying [here](https://twitter.com/ljnjm_/status/1041689449107619845) that when he gets a car, he wants to drive with jaemin to the beach ~
> 
> enjoy! love u all <3

The first time is in third grade, ten minutes before school ends. Jaemin’s teacher left to grab something from the photocopier room, leaving Mark, a Canadian fourth-grader whose classroom is next door, in charge.

Donghyuck bringing out the bag of cherries his mom packed for him that day is how everything starts; he and Mark have been arguing about who’s the better kisser for ten minutes. Which Jaemin thinks is ridiculous, as they’re only eight and nine-years-old, and no one even had their _first_ kiss yet.

He thinks it’s even more ridiculous when Jeno decides to shut them up by pointing to the juicy fruits, demanding to start the cherry knot challenge.

Lee Jeno lives in the house opposite Jaemin's. His fringe is getting a bit too long, he’s always wearing the same Spider-Man shirt, he squints to see the board from the back of the class, and he has crescent eyes that make all the girls in their grade squeal. He’s only four months older than Jaemin, but Jeno's lack of brain cells makes the age gap seem even smaller.

"What the heck is that?" Yangyang asks, voicing Jaemin's exact thoughts out loud.

When Jaemin's family first relocated from Jeonju to Seoul in kindergarten, Yangyang was pretty much the only friend he had. The Chinese boy moved from Germany to Korea around the same time and became Jaemin’s next-door neighbour. Jaemin was beyond ecstatic that they were placed in the same class every year since then.

Jaemin doesn’t think Jeno can get dumber until he says, "Um, the fruits? They're cherries, Yang."

"I know that, you idiot," Yangyang retorts, rolling his eyes. “But what's the challenge about?"

Jeno's cheeks dust a shade of pink. "Oh. Um, my brother told me that tying cherry knots determines how good of a kisser you are. So basically, whoever does it first is the best kisser."

Donghyuck shrugs, taking a cherry for himself. "Okay."

Mark copies the younger boy's actions before passing the plastic bag around the class. "I guess I'm in, then."

"Me too," Renjun adds, picking a cherry up by its stem from the pile.

"Same here," Hina chimes in.

Soon enough, the entire class is gathered around Donghyuck's desk, all curious about the challenge. Each kid has a cherry, even Jaemin - Yangyang dropped one in his hand before he could protest. "When you finish, put up your hand. Three, two, one. Go!" Jeno instructs before starting the timer on his iPod, signalling for everyone to put their respective cherry stems into their mouths.

Jaemin doesn’t quite count it as cheating, but he has done this so-called challenge quite a few times before. Cherries have always been his favourite fruit besides peaches, the juicy sweetness always satisfying his taste buds; tying cherry knots became a simple habit he picked up after eating the fruit. He doesn’t think it’s special nor is he an expert, but he gladly showed Jisung, his cousin, how to tie a cherry knot when the younger asked a few months ago.

He carefully chews the long stem until it becomes soft, then makes a loop. With the tip of his tongue, Jaemin gently pushes one tip through it and soon enough, a completed cherry knot lies on the tip of his tongue.

Jaemin looks around the classroom - it’s obvious that he’s the first one to be done amongst his peers. Renjun gave up and is laughing at Donghyuck, whose face is turning red from his efforts. Mark and Yangyang's faces are contorted as they try to secure the knot. Jaemin's eyes drift over to Jeno, only to find that the other boy is already staring at him.

Jaemin reverts his gaze away.

Just as he starts to pack up his stuff, the bell rings, signalling the end of the school day. A chorus of groans follow and sure enough, no one else completed the challenge. Jaemin watches as Donghyuck marches up to Mark, eyes ablaze, and tries to establish another way to determine the better kisser. It makes Jaemin wonder if Donghyuck genuinely dislikes Mark, or if he simply gets joy out of bothering the fourth-grader. He assumes it’s the latter.

Jaemin waits until all of his classmates leave the room before he makes his way towards the garbage can. There’s a pile of chewed-up cherry stems sitting there, none of them done properly. He takes out his finished cherry knot, adding it to the collection before he pulls open the classroom door. Mark oh-so-kindly shut it after himself when leaving, clearly not noticing Jaemin’s presence at the back of the class.

When he does so, someone stumbles in as if they were leaning against the door seconds before. Jaemin watches as the other boy slowly gets up from the floor and dusts himself off. Jeno offers a toothy smile, a gap where two of his bottom teeth used to be. Jaemin narrows his eyes at him. “What are you doing?”

Jeno scratches the back of his neck. “I saw through the window of the door that you were throwing out your knot- Wait, it’s yours, right?”

“No, Yangyang gave me his and I put it in my mouth,” Jaemin replies, rolling his eyes. “Of course it’s mine, dummy.”

“Where’d you learn how to do it?”

Jaemin gestures for Jeno to follow him as he makes his way out of the empty classroom. They walk down the hallway towards the foyer and suddenly, Jeno cuts in front of Jaemin, causing him to bump into the other boy. Jaemin groans. “What was that for?”

Jeno doesn’t budge. “Nana, answer my question.”

Jaemin almost chokes at the new nickname before he quickly recovers. He moves to the side and starts walking again, this time picking up his pace. He doesn’t want to make his mom wait outside; she promised that she was going to make kimbap for dinner that evening. “I dunno. Just a habit, I guess.”

He finds Jeno catching up to him just as he reaches the front doors. “Can you teach me?”

“Teach you what?”

“How to kiss.”

Jaemin’s eyes widen to the point where he thinks they’re about to fall out of their sockets. “W-What?” he splutters.

“Why not?” Jeno snorts as if it’s no big deal. “I’m a great kisser, dude. I just need some practice.”

“You can’t just ask people that! Besides, cherry knots are nothing when it comes to the actual kissing thing. Not that I know, but I’m assuming because-”

Jeno is suddenly two steps closer than where he was standing before and before Jaemin knows it, the other boy’s lips are on his. To say the least, it feels weird - when Jaemin asks Jaehyun about it years later, his brother says that every first kiss is that way - and too eager on Jeno’s side. Jaemin also notes that the other boy faintly tastes like cherries. However, it ends as quickly as it begins, making Jaemin let out a light gasp as he blinks rapidly in the attempt to register what just happened.

“So?” Jeno asks, his voice a pitch higher than usual. “How was that?”

As Jaemin opens up his mouth to respond, he hears a chorus of screeched “ew”s. He and Jeno both snap their heads towards the direction of the voices, spotting Renjun and Donghyuck making overly-exaggerated throwing up noises a few feet away. Jaemin frowns and Jeno rushes to make cutthroat actions at them. The two boys share a giggle before they scramble away.

“Well?” Jeno demands expectantly with his small arms folded over his chest.

Jaemin shakes his head, a weak smile forming. "If I'm being honest? Too much tongue and too little lips," he replies, watching the large grin beginning to grace Jeno's face drop into a frown.

A familiar honk sounds from outside of the school. Jaemin sees his mom’s car pull up, the woman rolling down the window to wave at the two boys. He shoots Jeno one last glance before pushing the main doors open. “See ya tomorrow, weirdo.”

—

The second time is a week after Jaemin turns thirteen, meaning that Jeno has already been that age for four months.

Every summer, Jaemin’s family goes to their lake house back in Jeonju for a few days. Jaemin is always allowed to bring a friend along as part of his birthday present, but that year plays out a little different than he expects; Yangyang’s on vacation home in Düsseldorf, Donghyuck and Mark’s families are going camping that week, and Renjun is at his grandparents’ in Jilin. It leaves Jaemin with no choice but to show up at Jeno’s door to invite him along.

Whether Jeno’s happy about the news or not, he doesn’t show it. He just yells to ask his mom for permission before telling Jaemin that he’ll be packed and ready for the next morning. Later that night, Jaemin faintly hears Jaehyun asking their mom if Doyoung, Jeno’s older brother, can come as well. Jaemin doesn’t mind - Doyoung always gives him his extra Pokemon cards.

It’s really hot that August, but the air feels less stuffy than it does in Seoul. Although Jaemin hasn’t been to the lake house in a year, he knows it like the back of his hand. Jaemin and Jeno are given his grandmother’s old room, the familiar, cheesy words of _Live, Laugh, Love!_ hung up in a picture frame above their twin bed. It feels itchy when they try to sleep on it, so Jeno steals a comforter from Doyoung’s room. The two hide their faces in beige pillows to hide their giggles when Jaehyun storms in later that evening, asking where it is.

When they go strawberry-picking the day after, Jaemin’s parents decide to praise Jeno about how good he is at everything he does. Jaemin’s heard this many times before, usually during dinner: _Hey, isn’t the Jeno kid part of that club? Didn’t Jeno do that last month? Jaemin, guess what Jeno’s mom told me he got on that test!_ So frankly, it doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. Well, not until Jaehyun, who’s supposed to be on his side, says something.

“Jeno got onto the junior volleyball team,” his brother announces. He looks over at Doyoung for confirmation, who nods proudly. “Good job, lil bro. Yuta-hyung told me that Coach is pretty strict.”

Jaemin can’t take it. He blurts out that he’s not feeling well and before his mom can call for him to come back, he starts sprinting to the lake house as he senses tears threatening to spill over.

After an early BBQ dinner of Jaemin not meeting anyone’s questioning eyes, his parents tell the boys that they’re allowed to go swim around until it gets dark. Jaemin’s the first one to leave and he makes his way towards the lake. The sun makes the planks warm against his naked feet and he sighs in bliss as he takes a seat at the end of the dock. He enjoys it for about ten seconds before he hears Jaehyun and Doyoung’s loud snickering. He pretends to not see the bottle of Smirnoff - which looks suspiciously like the one in his parents’ alcohol cupboard at home - they’re attempting to hide behind their backs.

Jeno’s the last one to arrive. He’s in some ridiculous-looking Hawaiian swimming trunks, but the rays of sunshine are illuminating him at just the right angle to make him look ethereal. There are light freckles splattered across his collarbones from being outside all summer and his hair looks soft, despite the cheap haircut he always complains about. His nose is scrunched up cutely and his eyes are smiling even though he’s not. _He looks like the moon,_ Jaemin decides. _Oh, how I wish that I could be his sun._

Jaemin’s heart suddenly clenches and he has no idea why, so he turns his head away. It’s too fast, though, and he gets whiplash. He takes a deep breath, letting the warmth of the sunset wrap around him like a blanket. He just finished eighth grade and it was torture - nothing compared to high school, according to Jaehyun, who’s in junior year - so he’s glad to be on vacation. Jaemin is just beginning to relax when he hears someone call his name.

It’s one of those things that he knows by heart: school sucks, summer rocks, and Jaemin can recognize Jeno’s voice anywhere. He doesn’t want to be able to, but that’s beside the point.

 _It sucks,_ he thinks. _Boys aren’t supposed to like boys but I just happen to have a Big Fat crush on one of my friends. Capital B, capital F._ So Jaemin does the only thing that seems reasonable at that moment. He gets up, takes a few steps back, then throws himself into the lake.

He stays underwater for a few moments, wondering how sad it must be to have a crush who will never like him back. It’s on Jeno, after all; he’s one of the most popular kids in school. Jaemin, on the other hand, is … Well, Jaemin’s just there. He never stands out amongst the crowd, and never will. He’s always a few steps behind, but the universe never waits for him to catch up.

Soon enough, Jaemin snaps out of his daze and his head resurfaces as he gasps for air, his lungs hurting due to the sudden lack of oxygen. The feeling of regret is soon replaced by embarrassment when he spots a familiar boy at the end of the dock and staring at him in shock.

When he feels his cheeks turning red, Jaemin’s first instinct is to swim back to shore and pretend that nothing happened. He desperately feels like drowning himself - he’s in a lake, after all - and attempts to do so just as he hears Jeno speak up. “Why’d you do that?” the black-haired boy asks, cocking his head to the side in confusion. “I mean, you could’ve taken off your shirt at the very least.”

Jaemin looks down at the blue fabric that’s now clinging onto him like a second layer of skin. He senses his ears turning hot and thinks to himself that he’s a complete idiot until he averts his gaze back to Jeno, who’s now standing dangerously close to the edge.

“What are you doing? Move back or you’ll fall in!"

But of course, it’s Jeno he’s talking to - Jeno does what he wants and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks, so Jaemin isn’t surprised when the other boy decides to cannonball into the lake, a loud splash following. He ignores the thumping of his heart and focuses on the boy who’s approaching him in quick strokes.

“Nana,” Jeno starts, a frown on his face. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” Jaemin replies, keeping his tone as light as he can. “Why do you ask?”

The other boy raises his eyebrows. “You left during strawberry-picking. And I was trying to get your attention during dinner, but you just picked at your food. My dad says it’s not good to do that-”

“I’m fine.”

Jeno narrows his eyes and opens his mouth to say something, but decides against it and purses his lips. Being this close to him makes Jaemin take notice of the other boy’s moles on the right side of his face; there’s one underneath his eyes, another on his cheek, and a tiny one on the tip of his nose. _Pretty,_ he thinks. _Like part of a constellation._

The memory’s blurry, though Jaemin roughly remembers Jeno leaning in first. The kiss is worse than the first one - it’s wet, the saltiness of the lake water making it uncomfortable. Strangely, Jaemin doesn’t mind, but it only lasts a second before he pulls away. He sees saliva trickle down Jeno’s chin and he cringes, disgusted. He then decides that his parents are wrong because there _is_ something that Jeno isn’t good at: kissing.

“Guys, you wanna play Marco Polo?” he hears Jaehyun yell. Jaemin knows that Jeno hears it too, but they both don’t move.

“You’re a terrible kisser,” Jaemin says after a few seconds, giggling. This time, Jeno doesn’t seem insulted and instead smiles his pretty eye smile. “You have nice eyelashes, though.”

The other boy smirks. “You do, too. And a nice face.”

Jaemin doesn’t hesitate in dunking Jeno under the surface of the lake.

**—**

The third time is when they’re in freshman year, and they’re sitting in Mark’s basement - it smells of cheap beer and weed, courtesy of Johnny, Mark’s step-brother, and his friends - for his New Year’s Eve party. Jaehyun’s right; high school does suck.

Being fourteen is an awkward phase in everyone’s life. Sure, you’re a teenager, but you can’t do much at that age. Although Jaemin’s mom tells him that it’s normal to have acne and an awkward body proportion as he’s still growing, he isn’t fond of it at all. Thankfully, he got his braces off a few days ago so he can go back to school after winter break with one less thing to be embarrassed about.

It’s also awkward because he watches all of his friends get into relationships, whether that means texting underneath the table in class or sneaking out after midnight to hang out. Yangyang reassures him that his time will come, but Jaemin sees the way his best friend and the girl in his P.E. sneak glances at each other when they think the other’s not looking. As sickening as it is, he has to admit that he wants the same thing with someone.

That someone is the enigma of a boy who doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, and he doubts ever will.

Sometimes, Jaemin thinks that maybe love just isn't for him. It’s a stupid thing to say, as he’s still young; of course, he understands what it is, but he doesn’t think he’ll ever grasp onto it or its concepts. Essentially, he blames it on Jaehyun, who keeps putting on films like The Last Song and A Walk to Remember during family movie nights. Luckily, his brother has his red-haired college boyfriend - Taeyong, or something - to go and cry to after. Jaemin, on the other hand, can only cuddle with the Totoro plushie Donghyuck got him last Christmas.

It’s almost eleven o’clock when Yangyang suggests playing Truth or Dare. There are protests that follow, but no one cares enough to actually argue. Within the first ten minutes, Mark is forced to do aegyo, Koeun confesses about the time she peed her pants on that field trip to the corn maze in third grade, and Yukhei attempts to shotgun a Bud Light. It goes just as bad as one would expect and he runs to the bathroom, Xiaojun hot on his heels.

The empty bottle of soju lands on Jeno. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

Donghyuck lets out a little hum before a sly smile appears on his face. “Okay. I dare you to kiss somebody in this circle at midnight when the fireworks go off.”

Laughter erupts around the room and Jaemin holds his breath, gaze intently trained on Jeno. He watches as the boy’s eyes flicker to Renjun instead, and Jaemin’s heart squeezes in pain.

Because here’s the thing: Jeno speaks to him just a little differently, listens to his rants on his bad days, and offers to hang out with just the two of them. Jeno understands him in a way that nobody else does, but Jaemin doesn’t doubt for a second that the boy has absolutely no idea just how in love he really is, although Yangyang says he’s “too obvious”.

 _Maybe it’s for the best,_ Jaemin decides. He’d rather Jeno not know and pretend that everything is okay than to get rejected. It’d hurt too much - he isn’t sure if his poor heart would be able to handle it.

He glances up to see Renjun staring at him with a look of concern and apology, and he realizes that the Chinese boy knows. The fact that he’s probably known this whole time makes Jaemin feel like he got the wind knocked out of him and he squeezes his eyes shut. “My mom’s calling me,” he blurts out, making his friends freeze. Before anyone can question his intentions, he rushes up the stairs and throws on his coat, then steps outside onto the front porch.

It’s freezing outside. Jaemin exhales and watches as the fog of white air moves up into the cold winter night. He’s just a little tipsy, but it feels sort of nice to get away from the chaos. Though his head spins and everything’s blurry, and oh _God_ , it hurts, it hurts, it hurts.

Jaemin doesn’t realize he’s crying until he hears the front door creak open from behind him and he goes to wipe at his burning eyes.

Jeno has his round glasses on (Donghyuck has been calling him Jerry Potter ever since he got them in fifth grade), a green reindeer-themed beanie over his head, and the tip of his nose is red as he shivers from the lack of a jacket. They stand together silently for a few moments; Jaemin doesn’t dare to look at the other boy because he knows that if he does, he’ll break.

“What did your mom want?” Jeno asks, his voice so soft that Jaemin isn’t sure if he hears him right.

“Nothing,” he says. His voice comes out much steadier than he expects. “She just wanted to check up on me.”

Jeno seems to be considering what he wants to say next carefully. “Nana, you don’t have to lie to me. Your phone’s in the kitchen, along with mine.”

Jaemin doesn’t respond. What can he say, anyway? Not the truth - that he’s jealous of Jeno wanting to kiss his best friend. Instead, he turns his attention to the sky. The polar-white stars twinkle up high, shining bravely in the unforgiving night. It’s like a large hand carelessly tossed diamond dust into the sky.

“Beautiful, aren’t they?” Jeno comments. “I’ve always liked the stars.”

Jaemin still doesn't look at him. “Why?”

“I like to think that despite everything that happens in my life, stargazing will always keep me grounded. Physically and mentally. It’s a constant thing, you know? It never changes. And I believe that in all of our hearts, we're united by our very own galaxies; this just reminds me of what mine looks like.”

Jeno is beautiful. The silvery moon illuminates his face and a soft glow can be seen with his striking features. His dark eyes seem to be holding the universe and his eyebrows are a bit furrowed, and Jaemin wants to do nothing more than to just reach over and smooth it out.

He isn’t quite sure how it happens, but suddenly Jeno’s tilting Jaemin’s head towards him and his face is hovering right above. Jeno presses his lips to Jaemin’s, tasting like cinnamon and alcohol, and Jaemin’s heart racing a thousand miles a minute. It feels like a dream and he’s soaring, the kiss sending him straight to the stars.

But the thing about dreams? They end.

Jeno slowly draws away, his hand slipping from Jaemin’s face and takes a step back. His cheeks are flushed pink and lips are swollen, and Jaemin’s sure that the same can be said about himself. “Good?” the boy asks, a little breathless.

“Yeah,” Jaemin replies quietly. “But be … Be more gentle. And slower, please. You could also use a little less tongue - don’t push so much.”

“Got it,” Jeno nods, a tiny smile gracing his lips. He beckons his head towards the direction of Mark’s house. “We should head back inside. I need to find Injun.”

Jaemin feels his stomach drop. “Why?”

The other boy doesn’t seem to notice. “New Year’s kiss, remember?”

Jaemin’s world stops, and he falls from whatever cloud nine he was on. Of course. Why did he expect anything else? “Right. Actually, my mom did want to home before midnight - I totally forgot. She told me before I left.”

“Nana, wait-”

“No!” Jaemin yells. Perhaps a bit too loud, as it makes Jeno flinch. “Just … Just go, okay? I don’t wanna be with anyone right now.”

“I can’t just leave you after a kiss like that, you idiot!”

“Well, you should!” Jaemin exclaims, flailing his arms around. The frown on the other boy’s face is apparent. “You have Renjun anyway, so who cares?”

“Is that what this is about?” Jeno asks, his voice low. When Jaemin doesn’t respond, he sighs. “You know it’s not like that, Nana. You’re different, okay?”

“Feeding me lies won’t help,” Jaemin laughs dryly with no humour attached. His voice is shaky and he feels tears welling up again. “Happy New Year’s, I guess.”

He ignores Jeno’s calls after him as much as it hurts him to do so and gets home just before one. The house is dark, but he can roughly make out Jaehyun’s figure on the couch. Even though the T.V. is on, he can tell that his brother had been waiting up and is slowly falling asleep. It makes Jaemin feel like shit.

Said boy almost jumps five feet into the air when he hears his younger brother come up from behind him. “Holy crap, you scared me! Where the hell have you been? You should’ve called. I was so worried- Hey, are you crying?”

“I left my phone at Mark’s,” Jaemin responds, his statement coming out harsher than he expects. “I’m gonna go to bed. And just drop it, hyung. Forget this all happened.”

“Do you want some milk?” Jaehyun offers quietly. When Jaemin looks at him in confusion, the older boy bites down on his lip. “I know you’re lactose intolerant, but Mom always poured it for you when you were younger. It used to help you sleep at night.”

Jaemin nods once and Jaehyun beckons for his brother to follow him. As Jaemin waits on the kitchen stool, he thinks back to when times were simpler.

When they were in elementary school, they built a treehouse up in the big oak tree in Jeno’s backyard with their brothers’ help. They spent most of their afternoons after school there, finishing their homework (rarely) and talking about anything and everything (often). Sometimes, they invited the rest of the group, but it always seemed to get too loud, so they made it a silent agreement for it to be just the two of them.

They took naps there and whether it was intentional or not, the pair ended up snuggled next to each other. Jeno blamed the cold, but when Jaemin offered to go and grab a blanket, he shook his head and pulled the other boy closer before melting into his warm embrace. Jaemin was always glad to be the small spoon because it meant that Jeno couldn’t see the blossoming pink on his cheeks. He couldn’t say the same about his betraying ears, though.

Jaemin wonders if Jeno will cuddle with Renjun up in their treehouse. The thought alone makes his stomach twist in discomfort and he feels like dying inside.

**—**

The fourth time is when they’re sixteen. Only this time, Jeno’s crying instead of Jaemin.

Jaehyun is usually the one who takes the babysitting jobs between them, but he’s away at university, so their mom makes Jaemin go. He tries to use the excuse that he has exams in two weeks - he never actually studies until a few days before - and the woman just rolls her eyes before telling Jaemin that he has to be at Jisung’s at nine.

It’s not that he doesn’t love his cousin (he’s referred to Jisung as his "baby” too many times for it to be normal due to the two-year age difference), but Chenle’s also going to be there. He also doesn’t have anything against the Chinese kid - both of them together, though, is going to be pure torture. He really doesn’t know why the two boys need a babysitter, anyway, but his aunt’s extremely overprotective over her only child. It’s understandable as the duo is usually up to no good.

So when Jaemin comes downstairs to see Jeno sitting in his living room, drenched from head to toe due to the rain, his first thought is that his mom is gonna kill him for letting Jeno ruin the couch. The second thought is that he isn’t sure what the hell he’s supposed to do.

“Jeno?” he asks, eyebrows stitched in confusion. Jaemin immediately regrets his choice of a sleep shirt, but then sees the heart-patterned pyjama pants the other boy is wearing along with cat slippers. “What are you doing here? I thought you had volleyball practice today.”

“Your dad let me in,” Jeno says, ignoring Jaemin’s question. His eyes are cast down to the floor, and Jaemin thinks that he sees tears in the other boy’s eyes, but he isn’t completely sure. “He said you have to go to Jisung’s, but-”

When he raises his head, Jaemin’s suspicions are confirmed. Jeno’s eyes are red and puffy (he’s attempting to wipe the tears away, but it’s no use), and Jaemin decides that he never wants to see the boy in front of him cry again.

He freezes, unsure of how to comfort Jeno as he’s never been the best at it; Renjun’s usually the one everyone in their friend group goes to. Jaemin decides to crouch down next to the boy on the sofa just so they’re eye-to-eye level with each other. “What’s wrong, Jen?”

Jeno shakes his head. “I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“Renjun and I-”

The boy chokes mid-sentence, making Jaemin’s gaze soften. It reminds him of why he would never hurt Jeno, despite the many times he wanted to do so after the other boy broke his heart without knowing it. Because Jeno’s the sweetest boy, and he deserves nothing other than everything good in the world.

“Oh, Jeno,” Jaemin whispers, his voice low. “What happened?”

“I don’t really wanna talk about it,” Jeno responds shakily as he forces a small smile. It’s not very convincing. “I’m sorry for springing this on you. I know we aren’t the closest in our group, but Donghyuck lives too far, Mark’s at volleyball, Yangyang … Well, Yangyang’s probably the last person I wanna see right now.”

A pause. “It took you this long?”

Jeno, unsurprisingly, looks shocked. “What? You knew? And didn’t tell me?”

Jaemin shrugs in response as he pushes himself off the floor. “You’re a little oblivious to things like this.”

The other boy follows him into the kitchen. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”

Jaemin pretends that he doesn’t hear the question and raids the fridge. What can he say, anyway? _You’re oblivious to the fact that I’ve been in love with you since we were eight, so how are you supposed to notice that your boyfriend looks at your best friend like he’s his world?_ “You want something to eat?”

“What about Jisung? And Chenle?”

“Those little brats can wait.”

When the pizza comes, Jaemin pauses  _The Amazing Spider-Man_ before he goes to get it. He ordered a large Hawaiian with olives, which he knows is Jeno’s favourite; he hates the deathly-tasting black rings, but he doesn’t bother to pick them off as he chomps down onto a slice. Jeno raises his eyebrows at this, and Jaemin just avoids eye contact and tells him to keep watching or he’ll miss Peter’s confession to Gwen.

Something feels off. “Okay, spit it out,” Jaemin tells the boy lying beside him. “Why are you so quiet? You always squeal when this part comes on.”

“No reason,” Jeno chuckles nervously and scratches his neck, further proving Jaemin’s point. “Just thinking.”

“About what? The breakup?”

Jeno glares at him. “What the hell? You’re not supposed to bring that up!”

“Well, I did,” Jaemin responds, though he does feel a little bad. “So what is it?”

The boy exhales slowly, puffing out his cheeks in process. Jaemin thinks he looks cute like that. “Can I ask you a question?”

“You just did.”

“Don’t be a smartass. I’m serious.”

Jaemin rolls his eyes. “Sure.”

“No, you don’t get it,” Jeno rushes out and bites down on his lip. “It’s a really, really big question. You might kick me out of the house if I ask it.”

 _What more can Jaemin lose?_ “Go ahead.”

“Can I … Can I kiss you?” Jeno asks slowly, his eyes wide and he turns panicked. “If you don’t want to, you can say no. Seriously, I won’t be hurt. I’ll just go cry somewhere else, like-”

Jaemin knows he's being used, but he's too tired to care. He leans forward and presses his lips on Jeno’s. Admittedly, it’s not a very good kiss since they’re sitting side by side and Jeno’s cheeks are still wet from crying, though it’s bearable.

“You should really stop using so much tongue and use more of your lips," Jaemin teases, trying to bring up the mood. Jeno manages to let out a weak laugh.

Jaemin offers the boy to stay over for the night and when he comes back the next morning from Jisung’s, he sees a chicken-scratched _thank you_ note in obvious Jeno handwriting next to the hoodie he let Jeno borrow. He inhales the scent of detergent and smiles to himself. He's finally soaring, once and for all.

**—**

The fifth time is the week after spring break in their senior year. It’s Jeno’s final volleyball game, one that’s putting a lot of pressure on his shoulders ever since Sunwoo informed him last week that scouts from unis are coming to watch.

Last weekend, Donghyuck forced the whole friend group over to his house to prepare a banner for Jeno. It took a good four hours, but the end result of a gigantic black poster with the words _JENO, WE’RE BY YOUR SIDE!_ painted with gold (“Why gold?” “Because he’s our treasure.” “Bro.” “I know, dude. Jaemin, write that down.”) and little drawings of their group as Moomins in the corner - courtesy of Renjun - was worth it.

Jeno calls Jaemin the night before, extremely anxious and jittery. Jaemin reassures him that there’s nothing to worry about and gently reminds him that Mark is coming to support since he doesn’t have uni classes that day. That makes Jeno a little less nervous and he switches the topic to how stupid their older friend has to be to not see Donghyuck’s obvious crush on him.  
  
Jaemin doesn’t know shit about volleyball, but he finds his palms getting sweaty and his hands shaking as he watches the ball pass back and forth between the two teams. Yangyang has to remind him more than once that he should scoot in on the bleacher or he’ll fall off the edge. When Jeno’s team wins and they form a human wheel before doing their cheer, Jaemin decides that it’s the most thrilling thing he’s ever witnessed.

His friends seem to feel the same as they all cheer the loudest they possibly can along with the rest of the crowd, waving their homemade poster around vigorously and effectively blocking the view of people behind them. Jaemin laughs as he watches Donghyuck put up finger hearts towards Jeno, who makes a fake disgusted face before he starts heading their direction.

“Congratulations!” Mark cries, pulling Jeno into a tight hug after the boy climbs up the bleachers. “You really put my tips into use, huh?”

“Of course, hyung,” the younger boy beams. The two launch into a conversation about the details of the game that Jaemin doesn’t bother to pay attention to, and he turns around to help Renjun pick which pictures he should submit to the yearbook committee.

When Jeno finally approaches Jaemin, his smile widens a tenfold. “Did you see me, Nana?” he asks excitedly, his eyes lighting up.

“Of course I did,” he answers immediately, his grin just as big. “I’m so proud of you!”

Jeno leans closer and puts his lips next to the other boy’s ear. “One of the scouts came and talked to me about joining SMU. You know, the uni that offers volleyball scholarships?” the boy speaks in a low voice. “But I don't want the boys to know yet. I know they’ll get my hopes up.”

Jaemin’s eyes almost bulge out of his head. “What? Oh my God, the hell are you doing here? You have to go right now-”

“I will,” Jeno interrupts. “Just gotta do something first.”

Jaemin straightens his back and opens his mouth to ask what the other boy’s planning, but Jeno beats him to it with a kiss. It’s tender and sweet, much better than the past ones. It lasts shorter than he expects and he can’t help but drop his jaw in surprise when Jeno pulls away, his chest heaving while he tries to catch his breath.

“For good luck,” the boy says as if that explains everything. He nods to the poster. “Cute.”

“Shut up.” There’s no bite to it.

“I'm not teasing you! I love it,” Jeno laughs, and Jaemin has never heard something more beautiful. “I appreciate the gesture, Nana.”

He turns red. “It was Donghyuck’s idea.”

Jaemin watches as Jeno bids goodbye to the rest of their friends before skipping back down to the gym floor, approaching a man leaning against the wall in the corner of the room. He shakes hands with Jeno and the two start talking, the man Jaemin assumes is the scout writing things down rapidly in his notebook. Jeno’s passion is clear as day as he speaks animatedly about the sport he loves so much, his dedication and hard work throughout the years finally paying off.

"Jae, your face is matching your hair," Yangyang points out, snapping Jaemin out of his daze. His best friend is trying his best not to burst out laughing, but the same can’t be said for Renjun and Donghyuck, who are rolling on the floor and clutching their stomachs. Mark shakes his head at them, though he joins in soon enough.

Jaemin takes a strand of his pink hair between his fingers. Donghyuck helped him dye it a month ago, and the colour faded a little, but it's still somewhat radiant. He sneaks a glance at Jeno, who’s now looking right at him, and the boy gives him a thumbs-up. Jaemin’s heart stumbles, and he wonders if this is what love feels like.

**—**

The sixth time is the last summer before their first year of university at SMU, and it’s real.

Since they finished moving into their new apartment last week, they spent the whole day with their friends. They went to the beach, laid in a field to look at the clouds, and drove around in Jeno’s car. Because of how dirty it got, Donghyuck suggested that they went to his dad’s auto-repair store to clean it. It was no surprise that they each ended up all soaked with water and soap, but Jaemin doesn’t think that there’s been a day where he’s laughed more.

Now it’s two in the morning and Jaemin’s in the car with the only boy he’s ever loved, and it finally feels like coming home.

Jeno mumbles something under his breath, but Jaemin doesn’t quite catch it. He asks for it to be repeated. “I said that I think I’ve been in love with since the day we did the stupid cherry knot challenge and you told me I was a bad kisser.”

“And a weirdo. You still are both those things,” Jaemin teases, grinning. “But me too.”

“Seriously,” Jeno replies and adjusts his spot in the driver’s seat to face the other boy. “You make me the happiest person alive.”

When Jeno smiles, his eyes crinkle into little crescents and his cheeks go all squishy. It makes Jaemin’s heart do the thing it always does when he’s around the other boy and he feels as if the whole universe is packed inside of him and one day it’s going to explode.

The 1975 is playing on the radio and the windows are rolled down, the cool breeze of the night whipping Jaemin’s fringe into his face. Jeno smells of cotton and body wash, and when he leans over the console to seal his lips with Jaemin’s, Jaemin doesn’t feel butterflies or electric shocks, like the movies that Jaehyun made him watch said he would. Rather, he feels safe, secure - and it’s the best feeling in the world.

They break apart to breathe, and Jeno gives him a heart-warming grin. Jaemin knows right there and then that he'd love the boy - even if he still uses too much tongue and too little lips - forever.

**Author's Note:**

> thank u so much for reading ^^ leave a kudo if u want and lmk what u think!


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